That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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