fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
