I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
