Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
