filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize