She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
