MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
