I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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