remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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