you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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