I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
