Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
