it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
