yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
