very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You were trust falling into bushes
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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