The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
