So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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