You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
