That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
