What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
did you just send me my own nude
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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