Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
