My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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