i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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