I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
