We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
