yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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