you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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