He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
