so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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