Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
