Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
