Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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