32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
