will power is for people who don't want to get laid
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
