No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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