Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
