Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
