2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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