woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
