Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
