Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
