Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
