My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize