he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
