I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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