She's JV to your varsity
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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