Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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