Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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