The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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