walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
