Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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