Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
