I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just had sex bonerless
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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