the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
