suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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