im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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