the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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