JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
