It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
