I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.