strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
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There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
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She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit