I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
