Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?