he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
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there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
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Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE