we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
