Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
