I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
