Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
