One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
