last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
