One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
