Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
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Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
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Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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